Half-hearted.

The other night my five-year-old nephew and I built a fort that we could sleep in for the night. We gathered blankets, pillows, and sheets and arranged them in an adequate fashion.
I tucked my nephew into bed, read him a story, told him I’d be there later, and kissed him goodnight.

When I returned I found him being a total fort hog, lying right in the middle! I moved him around and he awoke.
“You comfy?” I asked
“Yup. I love this fort Aunty.”
“Haha great, I am going to tell you about this when you are my age. Good night darling.” I kissed him again and he instantly fell asleep.

As I watched him in the low light, I began to weep.
            Not just from my eyes, from my heart.

I wept for two reasons.
Firstly, I was sad because I saw the pair of us lying safely under the fort, and realised we were two generations of fatherless children.

When I was three my father left and I’ve seen him since, but I do not consider him my dad. More of an acquaintance. Or a far-away cousin, who you don’t really know but you send them a Christmas card just out of courtesy.
My nephew was born out of wedlock, and my sister is no longer with the guy. He’s okay I guess, but he doesn't offer the relationship of a close and present father.
I cried because I understood that my nephew would grow up with only half an identity, half a heart.
             Like me.

Secondly, I cried because I felt the presence of Jesus.
I prayed and asked that my nephew would grow up knowing a father. A real dad for him to play with, and ask questions, and who would love my sister.
And for a heavenly Father, who would love him unconditionally forever.

Luckily I have both of these fathers.
Tonga, a guy from my church, has most definitely taken on the father-figure role in my life. I don’t think it was ever intended but it just happened. And it’s beautiful.
I know in Tonga I find trust, safety, and love, and I don’t find abuse, abandonment, or judgement.
Sadly my mother never remarried, but gladly Tonga came along. And I am so grateful.
I’ve also always had a relationship with God.
He’s revealed His love, confidence, beauty, heart, and magnificence to me over the years. This is a Father who I am certain will never walk away.

So Jesus, thank you that you have provided me with two wonderful fathers who know and love me. I pray my precious nephew experiences the same. May I always listen to his pain, understand it, and carry a little piece of it with me. Thank you for your provision. Amen.

My darling nephew stirred once more, as I stroked his hair. I said, “You are so special baby.”
“I know.” He replied.
“May you always know that…”
As I went to sleep in our fort, his tiny arms wrapped around me, my pillow still soggy from tears, I felt like the luckiest Aunty in the world.

Yahweh, the Lord Almighty, Wonderful Redeemer, God, Father to the Fatherless…

With grace and peace,
La x.

Renewed.

I had my fourth day working at the Home today. We set up the tables for a lovely Christmas lunch. We put table cloths, Christmas trees, cutlery, napkins, santa chocolates, all in green and red of course.

I've never liked Christmas much, but today my perspective was changed.
           Renewed.
Definitely for the better.

Seeing the residents get so excited about all the decorations, looking forward to the food, and telling me about their family coming to visit, and wishing me a merry Christmas really showed me the true meaning of Christmas.
It's about making someone smile, giving someone hope, and sharing in life together.

And now, I like Christmas. I love that 80 year olds in a Rest Home showed me this truth.

So bring on Christmas!!!

My favourite part of today was meeting a dear old resident called Allie.
She was 87 and from the West Coast, which she is very proud of. She told me all about her family, showed me her room, and proudly introduced me to her family photos and teddy bears. She lost her mother a few years ago and misses her so. She has a cupboard of all her mother's things including some very hip sunglasses!

She asked me about myself too, were my parents still alive, did I work there, am I married, how old do I think she is.
          Then she asked me these things again =).

Then she said the cutest thing. We were talking about how it must be nice to live in a place with all your friends and meeting new people. "Ooh it is you see."
Then she said,
          "You are my best friend."

I'd literally met her 5 minutes earlier but she gave me the title of Best Friend. I was honoured!

As I had to leave I said, "Merry Christmas my friend, you have a great time. I will see you in the New Year. Goodbye Allie."
She replied, "Don't say goodbye dear, it brings a tear to my eye."
"Oh sorry love, I'll be seeing you soon."


Meeting Allie today definitely made me feel like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing in the Home. She so easily invited me into her life, kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye, told me her story and let me close to her.
          I hope to treat people in the same way.



Merry Christmas everyone.

With grace and peace,
La x.

Joyful.

Hey there. Lovely to see you reading me again.

Last week I walked into a Rest Home near to my house to ask if I could volunteer there over the summer. When not studying I get SERIOUSLY bored, and have wanted to work in a Home for a long time.
They were thrilled to see a young woman who wanted to offer time and not expect money!

I had to read some boring safety documents, take a booklet home to read, and got told I would come every Tuesday and Thursday morning for the duration of summer.
I went home feeling excited, and looking forward to all the beautiful elderly people I would meet the following week.

I LOVE old people.

I guess I applied for a number of reasons.
1. I was bored.
2. I have been meaning to do this for two years.
3. I have a bit of spare time on my hands and wanted to do something productive with it.
4. My grandma has lived overseas my whole life and I seriously get jealous that I don't have grandparents in my life.
5. I'd love to sit and learn and laugh, and observe these old people's lives, past and present.
6. It's good experience and would look nice on a C.V.
7. I get a weeee bit sick of constantly hanging out with young people.
8. I'm clearly just a good person! ;)

Today was my first day in the Home. I worked with a beautiful lady who I will call Marie (just for being safe and not blabby purposes). She is in charge of the DT department, which stands for something I can't even remember!
Pretty much she in charge of the hard to manage residents, the events and daily activities, meeting with residents and keeping everyone happy. The perfect woman for me to work with.

We spent an hour making small Christmas trees and chatting about our lives. She is a big family person, has travelled, and has very successful children. She loves her job and puts her whole heart into it. She is kind, friendly, organised, and just radiates joy.
               Seeing her with the residents almost made me cry.

Then we had a cup of tea with the rest of the staff. The staffroom was very typical for a workplace, Latinos, Maori, Ilanders, Europeans and Kiwis. Smokers, haters, mothers, and a lot of gossip.
It was cool though, just watching. I felt like I was in a television episode =).

Then my favourite part came after we finished up the decorations. We got to play bowls with the residents. They can barely walk so we lined up chairs and put the green in the middle. The two teams take turns at sitting on a chair at the front and bowling.
Seeing the team effort, the cheering, the encouragement, and the competition was just great.


               It made me realise old people are just like young people but their bodies are crapping out.
They still like to laugh and tease and play and be affectionate and fill their days with fun.
It was a cool time.

I really loved the names of everyone. June, Betty, Phillis, Robert, and Bill. So cute and old school.
June was a beautiful lady who was very fragile but I swear would have been a knockout in her day!
I want to name my future child after her =).

Life runs at a different pace in the Home.
Time moves slowly, and sometimes not at all. People choose their own pace, and everyone respects one another.
Skin is wrinkly, eyes are loosing sight, hearing aids are on full blast, and false teeth regularly poke out from worn smiles.
              I just loved it!

They invited me to all their Christmas parties and lunches but unfortunately I'm not able to make a single one.
Regardless, I walked out of the Home with a smile on my face.


If anyone has thought about doing something similar, do it. It's fun, easy, and really rewarding.


With grace and peace,
La x.

Sadness.

A few weeks ago, on a Sunday night I went to my wonderful church, Southcity Christian Centre in Christchurch.
The night began with singing, which I really love, and I felt really connected to God. During one of the worship songs I began to feel very grievous and quite burdened.

What I had on my heart was a deep sadness for all those people who don't know Christ.

Sadness doesn't really explain the extent of my feelings; I think it is more than just "sad" to not know Jesus.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to be one of those dogmatic and forceful people, shouting in your face, "YOU NEED JESUS!!!"
                    I aim to not share my views out of force, but out of entire conviction, and love.
If you disagree with my position I say you are totally welcome to stop reading, or stop listening.

This is my truth, or God's truth, that I feel is my duty to share.

I don't want to approach the need for Christ as a personal thing. It is not that my personality/inclinations/thoughts make me a nice candidate for becoming a Christian.
I believe the need for Christ is an inherent, universal need.

Why do I hold to this?

1 John 4 speaks very clearly. "God is LOVE."

Now, what is the deepest, most common human need? Love.

LOVE. We seek it out through everything. We desire connection, to be heard, to be listened to by others, to be known, to be understood, TO BE LOVED.

This is why Christianity is not just a need for some people, it's for all people.
All people long to be loved.
I do!
I don't know anyone who doesn't.
Sadly, we seek it through sex, alcohol, money, travel...
                   I've sought it through those things.
And I found it eventually: through a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Here is a little part of my story:
I grew up in a Christian home. My mother and father split up but I always knew I was loved by my family. I knew I was loved by God. I knew I was to love others, and love Jesus.
                    I KNEW this, but I never FELT this.
Then one night, singing at a youth camp, I cried out to God and asked to FEEL His love.
And I did!
He revealed to me that I was beautiful, I was cared for, I was deeply favoured and totally loved by my heavenly Father.

This allowed me to love others in response. No longer was their guilt about if my love was genuine, I had a confidence it was real and true.
God opened my eyes to the broken, the unloved, the unheard, and gave me a burden to LOVE them.

Now this is tough at times, but this is the call of Jesus.
The greatest commandment... To love the Lord your God, will all your heart, soul and mind, and to love your neighbour as yourself.


See Christianity is not a religion of judgement,
                    it's a religion of LOVE.


And if you've never felt love, please, find it in Jesus.
It's not hard. It is a gift He is waiting to give you.

Jesus' first sermon reveals His heart for all people, the reason He came to earth...
                  "The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
                        because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.
                   He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
                        and recovery of sight for the blind,
                        to set the oppressed free,
                        to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour."
                                                                                        -Luke 4:18-19.


Christ is here to do those things. We may not see them fully, but that is His mission.

And here these beautiful words, in John 3:16-17.
                "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not come to judge the world, but to save the world, through himself."


God is love, and God communicates that love.
Please know this: You are deeply loved.


And to Christian's:
              Love is our mission too!!!
We are to emulate Jesus, and do what He started on earth.
So let's do it.

Live out of love.
And when people notice you are doing this, say to them: I love you because Christ first loved me.
Give the glory back to Him.

Let's love our world, in the name of Christ.


With grace and peace,
La. x

Poetic.

Hey again.

My second post opens up a deeper, more vulnerable side of me.
So please, respect it.

I've decided to post a poem on here. I like it, and hopefully you will too.
Enjoy...




The first I wrote last year, when I was searching for something; love.


What is Feeling?
22 May, 2011.

What is feeling?

Is it the tingle down my spine as an incredible musician plays?
The gentle touch of a man's fingers on my face?
It is the cool kiss of a zephyr present on an Autumn day?
Or the grin found spreading while gazing out to stars in space?

Is it joy, is it hatred,
confusion, is it love?
Or perhaps the small experience
graciously given from our Lord above?

Is it love. Is it love?

If we ask 'What is feeling?' then what are we to say of love?
Such emotion should be treasured, not treated with a push or a shove.

One word has so much meaning,
how dare we let that be?
One word I use for people, God,
watermelon, and the sea.

If love means something different to every single person,
why try to define it, wouldn't, then, my perplexion only worsen?


If love could speak,
I believe what she would say,
Is, "Let it be Laura. Give it time.
I will meet with you one day."

With grace and peace,
La. x

Murkiness.

Hey there blogging community.

As a reasonably new being to both blogs and technology, I'm quite unsure as I begin this internet adventure.
                     Thus, murkiness.

I'm not so sure about how these things go, but I do know they are about creativity, expression, diversity, and pretty much doing whatever you want.
So here's what I want;
To write, rhyme, and photograph a few things I reflect upon.

I never used to like the idea of having a blog, or even a Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr page.
I thought they were arrogant, and would be further fuelling a self-obsessed society.
But as I have engaged with a Facebook account (and now this blog) I have learnt a few things about my former viewpoint...
I was right in some ways, but wrong in so many.
Social networking sites are internet communities. And community is found among them. There is an opportunity to share thoughts, photos, scriptures, memories, challenges, quotes, and even a little piece of yourself.
I've found that internet communities are a great way to point to something bigger than ourselves too; the fight against poverty and injustice, the true meaning of life, developing unexpected and beautiful relationships and a push for love in the midst of an often confusing and hurtful world.

And above all else, they've given me the opportunity to publicly broadcast my greatest love in this world:
                   Jesus Christ.
My Creator. The only Creator. My Lord. The only Lord. My Saviour. The only Saviour. My Redeemer. The only Redeemer. My God. The only God.

So this blog aims to be all of those things.
A look into the life of Laura Harper.
Often a small, crazy, skewed, or distorted look, but a look nonetheless.

Or a better description,
                  a reflection.

I hope you take the time to read, learn, think, muse, and even do some reflecting yourself.



With grace and peace,
La. x